Trip Trolls

Just the simple voicing of a scheduled vacation, however softly spoken, can be heard by the Trip Trolls. Surely, you all know about these scheming creatures of the natural order. Every household in the world has one...and the very wealthy have two or more, we have heard. We aren't the only ones subjected to their perverted sense of humor. We aren't...aren't we?

Trip Trolls are activated, as I mentioned, by almost the thought of you planning a getaway. They leap into gear with the first choice of your dates, and plan outrageous ways to keep you at home. Landscape trucks falling into y0ur septic tank; yellow jacket wasps in the garden; the furnace that quits for good the night before you leave a frigid clime for the warm states. The more sensational their roadblock to your much deserved and desired vacation, the more elevated the status of your particular Trip Troll. Our Trip Troll, we estimate, has achieved High Con Troll.

A quick review of my personal Troll's most memorable effort.

1962: The Hawaiian Vacation

It was a family dream vacation: my mother, me, my grandparents. All off to Hawaii, with a stop-over first in San Francisco, then two weeks in Honolulu, then a stop in Los Angeles on the way back. We were going with a Travel Group called 'Happiness Tours'. In the days before jets, this was a BIG DEAL for an ordinary family, and we were beyond excited. My grandparents and I had never even been on an airplane before!

At Midway Airport, the Trip Troll struck for the first time. Our little band of merry travellers had boarded our plane, climbing the stairs out on the tarmac, and our Tour Guide cheerfully greeted each and every one of us. We took our seats, listened diligently to the Stewardess explain about the seat belts and floatation devices, and watched my grandmother dig into her cache of jelly beans to calm her nerves. The plane taxied off onto the runway. The plane stopped on the runway. The plane turned around on the runway. The plane taxied back to the boarding area. Our intrepid tour guide announced to us all that due to some mechanical problems with the plane, we would be housed, FREE OF CHARGE, in a motel near the Airport while the plane was repaired overnight. We would take off in the morning for San Francisco.

Did I mention that this was before jet travel was common? Did I mention that our aircraft was a big prop?

At least four people left the Happiness Tour Group that night. We stayed, and, with the rest of Happiness Tours boarded the repaired plane the next morning. Our aircraft actually took off! To celebrate, my mother had a few cocktails, and grandma had a LOT of jellybeans. I think grandpa was just stoic. Or terrified. Not sure.

San Francisco was great fun. Our short stay over, the dapper Tour Guide for Happiness Tours assembled us all at the hotel, and we were shuttled to the Airport for the flight to Hawaii. Over water. In our big, propeller driven silver tube. And the Troll was ready!

Once again, the plane taxied out onto the runway. Once again, the plane stopped; the pilot turned the plane around and taxied back to the boarding area. Once again, our guide, looking just a wee bit less dapper, informed us , with stout-hearded rhetoric, that we would be put up FREE OF CHARGE back in the hotel while the plane was repaired overnight. We would be taking off the next day for Honolulu...over the ocean. Lots of water.In a prop. Sharks. Amelia.

Well, we lost about 10 people that night from Happiness Tours. Our guide was now referring to our group as Agony Tours. My Mom had a few more cocktails before bed. Grandma bought more jellybeans, and grandpa hit the beer.

We were assembled in the morning, a more subdued version of the jolly group that had met at Midway Airport.

Miraculously, the plane arrived, was boarded, and actually took off. The Tour Guide had champagne. In fact, there was free champagne for EVERYBODY! Even for me and the new girl from Jersey that I had struck up a friendship with. Did I mention that I was 16? After a few champagne drinks, someone in the group christened our plane 'The Flying Titanic'. We all thought that was hilarious!

Our giggly group landed in Honolulu without further incident, and most of the adult Happiness Tour members were very happy indeed; at the reception that was held for us, where they got happier on the rum drinks that were served. My girlfriend and I were, however, served cokes. Sigh.

Our Hawaiian stay of two weeks flew by. On the appointed departure day, we all assembled in the lobby of our lovely hotel to shuttle to the airport. The Troll was among us. Our Tour Guide looked us over quietly, as we stood with tanned faces and hastily packed suitcases. He said in a monotone that spoke volumes:

"They seem to have lost our aircraft temporarily."

He went on to say that - guess what? - we would be put up FREE OF CHARGE in the hotel until our aircraft, or another suitable plane, was found to take us to Los Angeles. Oh, heck...another week in Paradise? FREE! That was SO difficult to accept!

Now, I think the Travel Troll make a BIG mistake here. Leaving us in Paradise for seven more days was NOT a serious inconvenience. Those with jobs had some finagling to do with their workplaces, but this was 1962! Undertandings were reached.

The rest of the tour was uneventlful, and I am sure it was because the Troll tripped up on his last glitch. We all enjoyed Los Angeles, and the flight home to Chicago on the Flying Titanic was totally smooth all the way. No one even lost luggage, an angle the Troll did not play on this vacation (later, however....but that's another story).

Now, we are all packed and getting ready to head out in the morning for Arizona. Hmmmm.......